we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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