grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
