fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
