You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
