So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The struggles of a small town man whore
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
