Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
