when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
