So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
false alarm. still invincible.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
