Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
