does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
