what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
