I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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