if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
