so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
