This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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