so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
