One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize