Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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