it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
