my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
