Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
