does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
