So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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