Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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