We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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