totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
