Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
