I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
