I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
