I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
