I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
