wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
