Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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