I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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