Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
