So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
