The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
