So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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