My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What a dumb baby whore.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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