Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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