you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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