do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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