Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
