He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
