ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
