I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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