it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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