His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
