I love having hate sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
