margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
