please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
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I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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