i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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