I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
