he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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