I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
