It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
