Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's the barista slut.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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