he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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