Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
