youre lurking in front of me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
