I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i think im in europe. pls send help
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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