Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
