Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I AM VODKA MAN
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
