I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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